Turn Your Hairy Back into Greenbacks

shaving-suppliesI have to admit, when you first get introduced to composting it changes your life. The way you look at things changes and suddenly everything biological, whether dead or alive, looks like money. Sweeping the floor in the kitchen is more enjoyable because all of the dirt the kids dragged into the house is money. There’s money laying everywhere waiting to be picked up. Dandelions growing in the yard- just money. Junk in the mailbox? Money. As soon as you put it through your patented composting process the dead baby bird on your front porch is black gold.

It can all be turned into compost and to a gardener that’s money! Suddenly you let the grass go an extra week. You intentionally create all those clumps laying everywhere in your yard because there’s money laying all over your property now! Micro money harvests everywhere. You see them all over now because you’re into composting. Money on the garage floor – check. Money by the side of the road – check. Suddenly, you might even look forward to leaves and sticks falling all over your yard so finally after the years of struggle and stress imposed on you by an unnamed debt-based economic force-field of some kind, it can finally rain money on you from the sky above. ‘If it once lived it can live again’ is apparently the only rule, so all of the mini money harvesting got me thinking… Then, an epiphany – I am growing money on my face!

Now not everybody knows what it’s like to be this particularly manly, you know, able to grow a beard in days and stuff. But I am therefore, according to the only rule of composting, covered in fields of money! This is totally awesome news. Even though an e-zine on some random internet search is saying girls in California are gravitating towards the man-coat of the Midwestern dude nowadays because it represents something that reminds them of a time that used to be… it might still be more valuable as a soil amendment. And suddenly what started as a joke between my wife and I, when occasionally it gets too hot and I want to shed my winter coat and I jokingly ask her to “harvest my chest hair (or back hair),” is not totally a joke anymore. I am literally growing money all over me. It needs to be harvested! Thanks to the wild world of composting I’ve recently discovered as a new homestead devotee, my goatee is now a valuable crop!

And so is yours! So fellas, prepare for some clean shaving. Every couple of months now grow out your human comfrey and make a harvest! Your body is a farm and you are growing net worth all over you! Take it to the bin, the vermabin or whatever latest YouTube craze in composting bin you’re building and get all recycled-like. Put yourself literally into your food! This free resource should be used to the max. And trust me guys, unless your dating a west coast girl who believes primal is the new sexy, your partner will thank you for it. This is obviously a tongue in cheek piece, but I’m really just trying to say thank you to the compost gods for giving me a harvest on my chest!

Thank you!
-Will Duvall

Thanks to Will Duvall for participating in the [Grow] Network Writing Contest. We have over $1,500 in prizes lined up for the current writing contest, with more to come. Here is a list of the current pot of prizes:

– A 21.5 quart pressure canner from All American, a $380 value
– A Survival Still emergency water purification still, a $279 value
– 1 year of free membership in the [Grow] Network Core Community, a $240 value
– A copy of The Summer of Survival Complete Collection from Life Changes Be Ready, a $127 value
– 2 copies of the complete Home Grown Food Summit, valued at $67 each
– 3 free 3 month memberships in the [Grow] Network Core Community, valued at $60 each
– The complete 2014 Grow Your Own Food Summit interview series, a $47 value
– 4 copies of the Grow Your Own Groceries DVD video set, valued at $42 each
– A Bug Out Seed Kit from the Sustainable Seed Company, a $40 value
– 4 copies of the Alternatives To Dentists DVD video, valued at $32 each

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  • I LOVE it Will! Great article.

  • Leslie Parsons says:

    This article is hysterical. It actually made me smile – and I must admit I’m a little cranky today – too much work and not enough fun. However, watch out for toxins as you harvest material for your compost. Junk mail is better re-cycled commercially due to dioxins in the paper and metals in the color. Dust from the floor, unless it is “the little house on the prairie” is usually carrying toxins and pathogens, so these are best in the land fill or added to decorative landscaping. Everything else is great… including all that hair!

    1. Michael Ford says:

      I thought this was funny too! I only get around to shaving every couple of weeks, but I must admit that the hair had been going into the trash can, not the compost bucket. I fixed that now 🙂

  • Claire says:

    I love it!

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